This past week has been a lot of breakdowns and some breakthroughs. On Monday, I attended my weekly seminar through Landmark. We talked a lot more in-depth about this than we had during the forum and advanced courses. Our homework was to recognize them and then share with others. A breakdown is when something happens that stops you in your tracks or prevents you from getting what you want. A breakthrough is when you become aware, and then you can do something about it. More on this to come.

I had new windows installed on Wednesday. They look amazing, but it was very warm in the house because it was 110 degrees outside. They took out the old windows. It took time for them to prep and get ready for the new so the house was open for a few hours. I was impressed by the workers and how well they worked together. Each one had a job they performed. It did not always go smoothly, but the leader let the one who was holding them up know how to work more effectively for the future.

Soon enough, they had things in place, and the house began to cool down. During this time, I worked on my computer in the master bedroom with my cat, and when I could move her to another room, I ran some errands. We were both tired after, yet I still had work to do to put things back, hang curtains, and a blind in my bedroom. I started recognizing how much I wanted to give up and did the bare minimum. The next day, I had to reinstall the rest of the blinds and finish putting the house together. It was hard and not something I was used to doing alone. I had all kinds of breakdowns. I also found myself saying things like I can’t do this, this is why I need a partner, and so on.

I reached out to a friend from Washington, who lives just 30 minutes away. I shared I was lonely and feeling isolated and asked if we could get together that evening or the next. We made a date for the following evening. I couldn’t shake the feeling of sadness, but then a woman from church asked if she and another person could come over and visit. I said yes. It was what I needed. So, for two evenings, I had something to do.

Saturday rolled around, and I unpacked some boxes, but it took a long time, and I was feeling defeated. On Sunday, I finally broke it off completely with the Romanian guy in Sweden because I realized clearly it was not going anywhere. I turned off my phone and just wallowed all day in my self-pity. I had lots of defeating thoughts, such as no one will want me, I am not deserving, etc.

Monday, I had another seminar call, and I was barely there. But there were discussions about the events of the week with sharung and coaching. Afterward, I went to bed, and when I woke up, I realized I had been dreaming for the first time in months. Weird dreams, but I can’t remember any dreams for a long time. As I was out doing chores, I saw I needed to clean the swimming pool. I had recently gotten a new net and pole because my pool guy said I should. I had tried cleaning the pool before, but my technique was not getting the results I wanted. When he came, I watched and learned how. Today, as I was implementing the technique, I realized practice is required. If you haven’t cleaned a pool before, it is harder than it looks. If you don’t keep the net moving forward, the debris comes out, and you have to do it again and sometimes again, and it made me want to give up. Then I realized this is how learning new things is. You have to practice. You have to learn how and then keep learning and figuring it out.

This is how I pulled the lessons together from my seminar. Sometimes, we do the new thing we learned, and it doesn’t go as we envissiined. It might even make things worse. I realized I won’t be perfect at anything, ever. I realized that no matter how much debris I got out of the pool, there would still be some left. Not as much as before, once I got the technique down. So it is in life. I won’t always know the answers, say the right things, or get to the root right away, but I have to keep practicing. Life is a practice! If I keep doing the things I have learned and make them my own, it will get easier. My thoughts will never stop. They are automatic, but what I can do is recognize my patterns and do something different.

The analogy made it more real for me. Everything in life has a learning curve. When we begin to learn something new like playing the piano, being a mom, making a new recipe, whatever it is,nit takes practice to get it right, and even then there is striving for perfection but realizing we are not and never will be perfect. I know I will always have new things to develop and learn. New ways of doing and being which may or may not work. Sometimes, the debris I thought I had worked on will come back to the surface to be seen again. I am a work in progress. I don’t have to be perfect because there is no such thing as a perfect human. Social media may have us believe there is, but everyone has imperfections. The imperfections are the things that make us unique and amazing. I look forward to developing better techniques and strategies to have an amazing life. I look forward to all the possibilities I see before me now that I never did before. Will life throw curve balls at me? Most definitely! Will I still get down? Absolutely! But discovering what is stopping me from doing and being what I want is so valuable.

My pool will never be 100% free of debris, and neither will my life but moving forward with my net of life lessons and strategies will help me clear up my swimming pool of breakdowns and turn my life into a series of breakthroughs. I am never too old to learn and grow. I am capable of doing the work, and I am worth it all and more than I can even imagine. Life is a wild ride. I am grateful for the things I am learning and the people I am choosing to spend time with, which enriches my life tremendously.