Coming to Arizona was exhilerating and a shock to my system. It is HOT here, and thank heavens for air conditioning! I was feeling a little off when I got up Sunday. My lovely friend Deanna picked me up at the airport on Mother’s day. We caught up while driving to pick up my rental car. Super fun!

I was surprised when I got a blue Dodge Charger! No boring car for me this time. I got to my house and was so excited. It was euphoric and felt so amazing that I have a house to come to! After a few hours, things caught up to me, and I felt so achey, and I tried to sleep to no avail. I was miserable.

I spent the night tossing and turning with a stuffed up nose and not able to sleep. I called my neighbor in desperation the next morning and asked her to buy me Nyquil, loving the fact I knew exactly what I needed. She Kindle did and I took it immediately and finally slept for 3 whole hours! Is it sad this was incredible? I slept most of the day. I loved not having anything to do. I relished being at my home, MY home.

Then, the next day, when I felt better, I looked around, wanting to change some things. I felt better, which was great, but also I started feeling that sneaky depression coming on. It settled on me like a dark, heavy, wet blanket. I changed the furniture, moving sofas from one room to the other, and shifted chairs around. I looked around and thought this felt right, and yet that darkness settled.

I decided to make a simple dinner and then needed ice cream, and I thought a drive would make me feel better. I did, after all, have a blue Dodge charger! It felt like it might make things better, and maybe it did, but the sadness lingers. I drove up the 101 about 1/2 way and turned back. Driving on the freeway was nice. There was no traffic to speak of, but the sadness sits. Perhaps it is because I have more hard decisions to make, I feel so lonely. To top things off, I got to see the bill from Dan and his girlfriend’s trip to Mexico, which gut-smacked me. Ouch!

I got more sleep, and my body is still fighting a sinus thing, but better. The evenings alone are hardest but keep the loneliness away. I will keep going. Life is not all bad.

Why does it still hurt? How can it still sink me. Why am I not over this? All the feelings just come back. Now I have to sit with my despair,nit will get better. Time heals all wounds, but what happens when it reopens? It stungs when that salt gets poured in. This, too, shall pass. Thank goodness I have something fun tonight!