This week, I have been working on myself. I have realized the resistance I feel to doing things I don’t want to do is about me judging myself. No one else is judging me the way I do. I am my own worst critic, and I alone am stopping my progress. I have also been resistant to learning, listening to others, and looking at things differently. I have resisted being curious about why I am the way I am and asking myself what I want.

It is far more difficult to look at my flaws, my short comings but in showing myself compassion and love, I have had some moments of clarity. One is how much I have to be grateful for. How recording what I am grateful for makes an impact on my attitude towards myself and others. I can then go out in the world and spread gratitude freely.

We are all connected because we are all here on the planet we call earth. Today I did a meditation of connection and I felt and saw in my mind how my heart strings reached around to each of you. I sent light and love to you. As February is about love I hope you will also show love and kindness to those you meet, known and unknown.

Today I had the pleasure of connecting with a friend who used to be with my biological father. He has passed away but mine and her connection remains. It was so nice to spend time with her. She gave me a ring she had made and a tablecloth she had woven. Both beautiful and something I will treasure. She is a delight to spend time with. I am so glad for that connection. She has always been so kind to me and my sister.

While I was there, we watched a program on tv. It was about spirits who are disturbing the living, and today, the program had a person I recognized. It was my father’s last girlfriend’s daughter. It reminded me that even when we leave this world, we are connected to our loved ones and others. It was very interesting to see someone I used to know on tv. Makes me wonder if there was meaning behind it from my father, perhaps. We also had some interesting conversations around the subject.

When I arrived back home I messaged the gal I got the cat from and let her know I would be keeping Nala. She is such a comfort to me. We have become good friends. She was delighted Nala would have a good home and I am glad for her company.

Tomorrow is my last official driving lesson before my driving test. I also picked up an extra training class, which is good since it gets me to train. I spoke to a couple of my regulars from my Tuesday class to let them know I would be quitting. I told my boss I could also go into March and she was glad to hear that. I feel very sad at the idea of saying goodbye to my class, but it feels like the right thing.

I plan to come back home in May for a visit, although exactly when has yet to be decided, and if I stay or come back is still up in the air, but a visit is overdue. Nala has bedded down for the night, and so I suppose it is time for me as well.