The rest of this week I have been struggling with stress. I feel stress over all the decisions I have to make and I realize I need to work on ways to handle it better.  I feel lucky to have my two friends close by and they have been inviting me out and keeping tabs on me.

One such event was to a nursery last week. It has been around since 1960 and family owned. It was a real adventure. The jungle theme with live turtles and statues of jungle animals was fun. It was nice to get out but still I am struggling in the evenings.  I am grateful to have the cat, Nala. She is calming down from her heat, thank goodness. Another decision I have to make is whether to keep her or not. She is really sweet and such a good girl. We are boning and I am very grateful she is here.

I am realizing how much stress is affecting my life and making it more difficult to make rational decisions. Decisions about how I eat, and how I spend my time. I am realizing how it also affects my weight. All the coritsol in my body from being in the fight or flight mode makes it harder for me to make the changes I want to make for myself.

Being in this constant state of mind makes me want to stay under the covers, not exercise and eat all those things I have been trying so hard to avoid, like chocolate and chips. Making better choices is a challenge when I feel crazy. I am 14 days into my 90 day challenge. I have been being more active but not 7 days a week like my goal but it is a process. I have not been logging my food and only fit in two resistance workouts instead of four. But still progress.

I have been studying for my theory driving license test on the 30th. There is a lot of reading and I am not so great at retaining. There are a lot of signs I am not used to and some terms I am unaccustomed to. I am questioning whether I can manage it. My first driving lesson is Wednesday. It is getting real and frankly I am terrified of failing.

At times I feel like a crazy person who just can’t control herself. I feel the stress coursing through my veins making my stomach twist in knots, unable to untangle until I soothe the savage beast of anxiety with food. I search the pantry for anything which will ease the pain. There is pain here. Lots and lots of pain and how I deal with stress is to eat my feelings. I eat for all kinds of reasons. Sad, happy, all the emotions. I feel like a hamster in a wheel.

Every day is a new day and I keep working to remember that each day is a fresh start. Each day is a new chance at making changes. I need to do more breathing exercises and walks to keep myself in check. Maybe a walk around the block is in order and maybe less chocolate.