The rest of this week has been a time to think. I have a lot of big decisions to make. Since I already have a difficult time making up my mind I felt some time away would help clarify things for me but that is not the way it happened. Instead I am more confused than ever about what to do.

Part of me wants to stay but there is a part of me which feels I should go back to the states and it will be then I will begin to really feel like I am living. There is the saying “bloom where you are planted” how does one decide what is best and that this is where I want to be planted? Things are not exactly going according to plan, which to me says the plan I made is maybe not to be. The apartment has worked out until end of April, but no loan, no job and I don’t want to keep moving

We all know the best laid plans can go awry. This is how it feels at the moment. I feel anxious and uncertain. Working to remember to acknowledge my feelings, not judge them and then create a different action. Recognizing is difficult for me as I am not always self aware and then remembering not to judge myself or be too harsh with myself. Try to treat myself as I would treat a friend. Self soothing which doesn’t include eating would also be helpful.

Lastly is creating a helpful action which is not like the usual. I have few ideas about what steps to take but luckily I have guidance. There is no perfect decision, I tell myself, there are just choices. Choices to make good or bad , who knows, they are simply choices. Some may be better options than others but we can not know what each decision will bring. Could be good, could be bad. Taking that out of the equation I am hoping will make it easier to make a decision. It is a new practice for me which will take time to put into practice.