Fall is a reminder of the beautiful color that surrounds us. It also reminds me of our need to rest soon as winter will soon be upon us. It is also a time of change. Time to change those things which aren’t working any longer. The things which are keeping us rooted in a place that may not suit us. Time to change houses, and people who are no longer good for us. Time to become a better version of ourselves.

It also helps remind me there is beauty everywhere we look. Sometimes we have to stop and take notice of it. Sometimes we need to see what is happening around us. Life can be beautiful even when there are changes. We manage to get through them. Each lesson is for our benefit whether we want it or not. Each moment is a moment we can rise above our circumstances and become a better person hopefully. Each change changes us in one way or another.

Sometimes the changes are not things we want to change. We want to stay with what is familiar because it is better than the unknown, even when it is too much. It is hard to know what the right thing to do is. We don’t know what is around the corner, good or bad. We have to let things go that are not fitting in so we can become stronger and better and sometimes we have to just sink to the bottom and wallow for a time.

I don’t want to do what I know is the best thing. I don’t know how to reconcile my feelings. I feel a tremendous loss now as I did when Dan told me he wanted a divorce. Was it for the best? Time will tell? Have I changed and become a better person? I don’t know. I have tried to be a good person. I have tried to make a good life for myself with what I have. I am just not sure that is what I have actually done. I have made some poor choices lately and it is difficult to untangle myself from them.

This is a time for making changes within myself. To become the person I was meant to be, whatever that means. I am not happy about more changes coming my way but I have to accept that is the constant in life. Change. Always change of one sort or another.

I feel resigned to my fate. Now is the time to take an assessment of what is going to happen next. Everything feels difficult and I am not so good at defeating the demons rising up in my mind. They are winning at the moment. Not for much longer, I hope. I need to clear them out so I can get something new in their place. Something peaceful and serene.

My granddaughter Destiny made a post the other day about how we bloom in our own due time. We have to self-parent ourselves long after we are grown up so we can thrive. Like this rose who bloomed a little later than the others but is still blooming in its own time and sharing beauty with the world. May I be like the rose who bloomed late but bloomed despite the cold and harshness around me. May I share my beauty and goodness with those around me and change for the better.