This week I had an adventure with my cousin Christina and her daughter Vicki. I drove us to Åseda so they could see where she and I had spent time with our grandmother. It was a nice day to travel until we got to Växjö where it rained but it didn’t last long enough to ruin our plans. It was a 3 hour drive to get there if we had gone direct but we made a couple stops along the way.

Our first stop the cemetery where my father, our grandfather and uncle lie in a grave together and the minneslund where my grandmother was placed. It was their first time there which with nice weather was very nice for them to see. They were very glad to finally be there. We talked a little about our own wishes to be laid to rest in a minneslund (memorial place). We also drove through the small town of Killeberg where our parents were born. It was very small and quaint.

Our next stop was at McDonald’s outside of Växjö to eat. This is the most time we have spent together. We have met several times since I have come but usually a couple hours. We learned a lot about each other. After McDonald’s we drove the 45 minutes to Åseda and met Brit-Marie who has literally known me my whole life. Her son was born the 15th of November and I the 23rd. My mom and her met when mom was pregnant with me. She even borrowed her wedding dress to get married to my dad in. She is always such a nice person to see. I appreciate that she welcomes me to her home.

After we left her we drove past our grandmother’s apartment which was now painted min green instead of the red it used to be. Then we found our way to the farm where our grandmother worked as a housekeeper for over 40 years. Tälleryd holds fond memories. Christina spent more time there than me but all good memories. It is not as well kept as when they lived there and unfortunately the person who now lives there was not home. We did visit a neighbor Ann Charlotte who remembered my father. It was a nice day.

We stopped at a rest area and enjoyed the view. It was a beautiful spot with picnic tables and a toilet! The little cafe was closed. I love stopping here.

Google reminded me of all the adventures I have had the past weeks. When it shows up this way it seems like I have been busy. I have made plans for next week as well because I have been feeling a bit down since yesterday. I feel the depression creeping in despite the aid of medication it descends on me as a thick fog. I find very little to be happy about and feel tired.

I am lethargic and don’t want to do anything. I feel I have to force myself to stay out of bed. I went for a walk in the nearby but felt so tired i just came home. One year ago I was packing my things getting ready to go. Walking my neighborhood and crying with the rain most days. I knew in a month my life would be forever changed but never imagined the people I would meet or adventures I would have. Maybe this is part of the feeling settling in me just now.

Eventually the pain will subside and I will keep picking myself up from the despair. A year ago I was saying a lot of goodbyes to family and friends hoping the change would be good. It has been good but today I am sad and lonely despite the friendships and family I have here. So today I will feel the feels I have and then I will eventually push past it to whatever comes next.