This week I have been pushing through fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of not being or becoming who I am supposed to be. Fear of what lies ahead, fear of so many things. Many of you have said I am brave and have accomplished so much in my adventure in life. I have not done it without fear I just have let the fear push me to do new things. I don’t always want to do them but I do them despite the fear. There was a quote I heard a long time ago and don’t remember who said it but it goes something like this: “Do it afraid”. I don’t feel brave, I feel scared a lot. Sometimes I hide and sometimes I face it head on but often I just “do it afraid”.

This week has been filled with decisions I must make. Do I come home now? Do I go back? If I stay where will I live? If I go back to the states what will that look like? Am I doing the right thing thinking about buying a place here or should I rent? Will I find a job and an apartment? Will I stay in Malmö or should I go elsewhere? What kind of job do I want to do? How can I afford to live? What is the right thing to do? Will my family and friends understand? Will I lose or gain family? Many questions and some I do not have answers to. I am afraid of not making the “correct decision” but is there such a thing as a “correct decision” or is it just a decision?

Life is filled with opportunities and choices. That will never change. Being here in Sweden is a dream come true for me. I have had the opportunity to experience so very much and yes, it has absolutely pushed me to the brink of fear, anxiety, and stress. There have been so many moments when I wondered what in the world I was thinking. It has been challenging and rewarding at different times. I don’t think there is a “correct choice” there are just choices. Sometimes it works out well, sometimes it doesn’t but life is about choosing our path, living the best we can, and taking opportunities as they come.

I have been blessed with angels in my life both here on earth and those in heaven, helping guide me. I am so very grateful for the strength I receive from this. This week I have gone to the optician and ordered new glasses. Afterward, I went to a soup restaurant where an American friend works, named Jenny. I saw she had a line of customers and she had a large order which needed to go out, so I offered to help and she let me! It was so rewarding. When I left her to meet my friend Cecilia, we came back and had soup with Jenny. I helped clear some dishes and had a magnificent soup with Cecilia. We talked about lots of things but one item was that I may be able to stay in my apartment until Spring. What a gift that would be.

I love the apartment I am living in. It is in the community of Sorgenfri. This area was built in the 1930s for families who were poor so they could have decent housing. Now the housing here is fairly expensive. I have decided the loan on my house will be too much for me to handle so I will just have to pray an apartment will come up and a job that I will enjoy will also come to pass. Just one month shy of a year of being here and some days I did not think I would make it because of fear. But I have pushed through and continue to do so because life can be scary sometimes. Sometimes we have choices forced on us, such as death, divorce, illness and so much more. I want to be proactive in my choices but I also know that things don’t always go the way I plan them, sometimes they turn out better, and sometimes they don’t.

Today I have been hunkered down at home. Recharging my batteries. It isn’t ways easy to be here but I love the experiences I have had. Someday when my life nears its end I hope I can look back at the adventures I have had and say I have lived a full and adventurous life filled with love and friendships. Fear can be debilitating but for today I am choosing to keep pushing forward to create a meaningful life. It won’t be without fear. It will just be that I did it anyway.