This week continues to be absolutely beautiful. It has been cold but I don’t mind the cold. Cold, clear and sunny with a touch of wind, but it wouldn’t be Skåne without wind. Spring is definitely in the air and I need to remember to not wear my big heavy coat outside because it is too much for the slightly warmer temperatures. I keep forgetting so I go around sweating but it is nice when that wind blows because it cools me off.

The past couple of days I have been to the dentist to have Xrays and an exam and I will go back in a couple weeks for a cleaning. It was pretty much like a dentist in the states except I don’t know the words for what things are but I just need a cleaning for now.

I also went to a medical clinic. Nothing serious, just needed to get some migraine medication since the perscriptions Dan sent me in January never arrived. I have had a migraine the past couple of days and was low on my medication. It was a pretty strong migraine but going out in the cold definitely helped and I was able to go longer before retaking the medication. I do not like taking it unless I absolutely need to. Most of you know this has been an ongoing thing for me since I was a teenager. I have concerns about what the medicine can do over time with my liver but it has saved my life in that I can function and most people have no idea I have a headache. Today I threw up for the first time in a while. That is a sign of a bad one.

I was impressed I did not have a longer wait for an appointment. I called Friday and got an appointment the next day. Picking up my perscriptions was way easier too. The doctor sent over the request to the local pharmacy. I waited a bit to pick up based on my experience in the states but did not need to. When I arrived I went in to the pharmacy and the pharmacist picks them out of a drawer right then, labels them, tells me about them and it took 10 minutes. I expected to be waiting for hours. It was so nice.

I have an appointment to visit the chiropractor on Monday to get my head on straight and to prevent my migraine from coming right back. Sure miss my chiropractor Dr. Atkins back in Washington. He was the best and always fit me in when I needed. I haven’t been that fortunate here. It is also more complicated to get there since I don’t have a car I have to take a couple of different busses to get there and back. If I feel up for it maybe I will take myself out for an adventure after.

I have been hurting for a while but haven’t said because I am embarrassed. The man I have been seeing happens to be living with me. It started because he needed a place to stay. Red flag number one, I know. He was sweet, calm and nice when he was with me and still is. He leaves every morning and I never know when he is coming back. He gave me the attention I so desperately wanted when he was around but could never keep a promise or be reliable about when he would be back.

When he left for Romania, it was very strange and abrupt. I had no idea if I would ever hear from him again. He packed his things, left to do some things and just before his flight left his sister came with him to pick things up, took him to the airport and I did not hear from him for a couple days. I figured it was the last I would hear from him which sent me into a panic. It was also right before my wedding anniversary so I was fragile.

I decided to put myself on a dating site. It was overwhelming right away. I did meet a couple people. One who is a great guy in my neighborhood and we became friends and have a fun time hanging out. Another is nice but we can’t communicate except by text because of the language barrier and I am not interested. So no wins just more heartache and I decided I couldn’t handle it and haven’t been back on.

Then my guy contacts me and I feel better but then it is days before I hear again. Occasionally he would call and talk for literally a minute and has to go. Rarely it was longer but 15 minutes maximum but I know he talks to others every day for hours because I have seen it. Even when he was at home with me he was on the phone and talks to everyone but me. I just can’t do it anymore. I deserve better. No amount of talking about it has changed a thing, so it is what it is.

He came back two days ago. He was gone 6 weeks. I did go visit for a week as I said earlier in a previous post. I had mixed feelings. I enjoyed his mom and other things but often felt the same as I do now. Yesterday I asked him to please stay home and spend time with me but he couldn’t. He had to go out and meet someone. This triggered a lot of issues for me as it usually does. He has made his explanation and excuses which he sees as reasonable and I can not accept. This is not the first time. Please no judgement here I am beating myself up as it is. I feel played and heartbroken yet again but I have felt pain in my heart almost daily since I met him but pushed it aside thinking it would get better. They are my issues to work through but I don’t want these feelings right now. They aren’t serving me but I wanted it to be something real. I wanted to feel loved. I wanted to believe it could be something. I at least wanted to be brave and give it a chance. I felt stronger and more assured about myself then but here I am again, heartbroken. I always knew somewhere down deep it wouldn’t come to anything at all but it is still heartbreaking.

It came to a head yesterday. It needed to happen and now it has so I can move forward. It hurts deeply. I care about him. It was too soon. It felt good to believe I had someone who cared about me again. Someday there will be another but I will wait.