Working on myself is not easy. I have to take a good hard look at the positive and negative, see where I have need for improvement but also learn to love myself as I am in the present moment. What I am learning is the things I crave from others may be the thing I lack in myself.

I am also learning about relationships. Making them better by loving the person who may seem challenging for me. What I tend to do is want to control the situation. But I don’t want to be controlled so why do I think it would be fair to do that to someone else? Yet it is my first reaction. So I have a lot to learn and it may be a long process.

Growth is painful at times, at least it has been for me. I would have preferred to stay in the comfort zone but that wasn’t beneficial. The gift I get from the process of divorce has been tremendous but it takes hard work, commitment and reflection. Some people may say loving myself is selfish but without it I can not truly love others. I am learning the hard way but the school of hard knocks has usually been the one I have attended. It seems lessons come faster this way but harder.

Yesterday was beautiful and sunny and I rode my bike for the first time. It was only a 10 minute ride with mostly flat trails but I had a little difficulty following directions for the bike trail. Mostly because I hadn’t been that way before. Now I know. I went to pick up some packages only to find out I misunderstood the text message and they were not there yet. I decided to do some shopping nearby and wait and see if they would come. I had my backpack and I had planned to do some shopping anyway. I did my errands and still no text so I cycled home since at this point I wouldn’t have had room for the packages. About an hour later one of the packages arrived, of course. My legs were shaking from the pedaling and I was a bit more breathless than expected. I guess I need more cardio.

I have enquired about a position at the local gym where Body Pump is taught. I have begun my process of re-learning the choreography. I forgot how much goes into teaching a class. No wonder I like staying with the same set for a long time. I am attending a class today with an instructor I really liked so look forward to that.

The tax bureau is looking into writing me into the country but I am missing my naturalization paperwork and Dan is out of town. Hopefully we can figure out a way to get it. I have requested a copy through the immigration agency but they could take a while. It seems fairly uncomplicated otherwise so far and my handler has been nice. So I may be finally getting somewhere after all these months and what does it really mean? Probably just that now I get to pay taxes here too.

So far have not heard anything from the mission for the homeless volunteer job I hoped to get. I did hear from the cat rescue she had not forgotten about me and there may be something end of March beginning of April. In the meantime I have a trip to Spain with my friend Susanne who has a birthday coming up. And a quick trip to see my sister. We won’t have much time together but it would give me a chance to see her, hug her and catch up. Looking forward to it.