Today was a gorgeous day. Lots and lots of people in town today. It was sunny and everyone took some time to be in the sun. It was so fun to see. Typical Swedish thing is pause in the sun and turn your face up for a few minutes. Fantastic.

While it was fun to be away it was also very stressful due to my lack of knowledge of the language and culture. It was very difficult to communicate with others in the small village and my friend had trouble understanding how difficult it was for me. Sometimes when we speak different languages I know we can misunderstand each other because we are not able to communicate clearly what we need or want. Something gets lost in the translation of our limited vocabulary skills.

The last day I was in Romania I went to the outhouse and stepped on a cement tile off to the side and it broke which sent my foot down just a few inches, banged my head on the wall, pushed my glasses against my nose causing a bump and I got a pretty nice scratch on my hand. Felt silly about it for sure and now I have a reminder. At least it was the last day and I did not fall completely in. That would have been pretty funny after but not so much at the time.

The bus ride to Bucharest was 3 1/2 hours and so I had to leave the house at 6 am to catch the bus and get to the airport. I was there early by a few hours but would rather be early than be stressed about being late. My flight was uneventuful which I am grateful for and the 12 minute ride from the airport to my stop and 5 minute walk from there makes travel super easy. So if you want to visit that is how simple it is to come to me, after a very long flight.

Since I came home I met up with several friends. Went for a walk with one American woman who lives close in the morning. In the afternoon I met two others who made sure to have all my information just in case anything should happen on my trip to Romania. I am so grateful for their caring and checking up on me during my time away. I also had a Semla with a church friend and some very deep conversation. I am so very grateful for the people in my life, they bring me such joy and teach me how to enjoy life.

I started working on the new release of BodyPump. I was able to get the information for the group training leader so now I can ask for an audition which hopefully leads to a job. Looking forward to giving it a go, learning new words and feeling strong again. It is also time to start working on the mindset around my body. I have struggled with feeling good about myself. My body doesn’t look the way I want it to. My mind never lets me think I am pretty enough, good enough, smart enough or fit enough. I miss out on being my best self and feeling love and compassion for me which can lead to me showing love to others more authentically.

Last week, in my relationship class, we were to write letters to someone we had a challenging relationship with and also a letter to ourselves. These letters were to include gratitude, an apology and showing love to this person as well as ourselves. I started with myself but no real emotions. Then I did my other person and I could see how he might have done things to protect me and show me love in a way I did not understand. I felt such an immense sense of gratitude for him and what he gave me. It opened up feelings for him and I hope when I share it, it will transform our relationship. We may not talk a lot more than we do now but hopefully this will open us up to love each other more. I am scared to share it with him because I may be rejected but I hope if I come from a place of love and not attacking we will be able to talk openly. I can see this being so useful in all relationships. I need to dig deeper with the letter to myself. I think it will bring me great peace to forgive myself and show myself love. That will be another day.

For now things are opening up and I am viewing things differently than before. I feel optimistic about my future and where I am going. There still may be detours on the way but I am heading in the right direction.