Leading up to this weekend, I have been feeling good. I was excited to go to Stockholm although I have no idea where I am going nor any friends able to come with. I am going despite it all.

Suddenly the night before I left a feeling a sadness started creeping in. It is unwelcome, I have plans, I don’t want these feelings. I want to be happy and ready to move on. So many memories keep creeping in from my past life. Places we have been. Things we have done together, including Stockholm, train rides, etc.

Dan was my rock and helped me in many ways and now I only have myself. I have all of you cheering me on and I appreciate that tremendously but I feel weak and unsure of myself. Where should I go and what do I do?

I decided to ask in a group I belong, if anyone wanted to meet up and to my surprise some women said yes! It gives me something to look forward to. We will go out and see at the lights together.

I have a Christmas buffet booked at 1 pm and will meet them after. I am looking forward to it and my spirits are lifted but still have the underlying sadness and missing my life and family. I know it is normal. We were a family for so long, it makes sense. Wish they were here.

The 4 1/2 hour train ride was beautiful. I got to read my Swedish book, see the snow on the way and just enjoy someone else driving. The train was busy since it was the weekend and also nearing Christmas. I brought my own food to eat, which was wise since their equipment was down to accept cards.

My hotel is as expected in a central area and very comfortable for one person. 10 minute walk to central Station where all the trains and busses are.

I slept very well and late so I missed breakfast but the huge buffet in a couple of hours will be enough. I can be there for 2 1/2 hours. Still need to figure out the bus system. It would be a 30 min walk otherwise, which isn’t bad but plan to walk alot tonight. More on my adventure next week.