Today is Thanksgiving in the United States but it is just an ordinary day in Sweden. Workers are still working, things are going on all around. Not a holiday but they are having lots of Black Friday week sales. Advertisements on TV and all around town. It started a week ago Friday.
My sister, Viktoria, and I were here five years ago in 2017 when our father was in the hospital before he passed away. This was the first time we had experienced it. It was interesting because they had normal business hours and yes people were outside the shops waiting but that is pretty normal to see. We saw special-priced items but they were more for the holiday season in general than the Black Friday of the US. You know where you wait in line for hours to get the screaming deals on whatever it is you wanted. They are too orderly perhaps for that kind of thing.
I did find a YouTuber last night I enjoyed called MustigaMauri. Here is the link if you want to see: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4HekqJbbGL4
I thought he was pretty funny. It is in Swedish. He likes to examine the two extremes so the least expensive and the most expensive. The poorest and the richest and then to invite guests, people, and challenges. I watched several and enjoyed them all. Laughed out loud often. So far that has been the most entertaining show I have seen besides cat videos.
I don’t mind that Thanksgiving is not celebrated here. It actually has been helpful. It feels less sad that I’m not going anywhere. I have had a rough day, partly my own making. I felt the depression sneaking in yesterday. I don’t feel like being with other people, I just want to be alone and cry. It is hard. Every day is hard in one or another because I miss my old life. It was comfortable and known.
I was planning to attend a Thanksgiving dinner tonight with strangers. The sister missionaries invited me. I don’t feel like going and pretending to be okay. I don’t feel like meeting new people and trying to find something to talk about. I just can’t today. Yes, it might make me feel better but it may also feel worse. I need time. Time to grieve, time to cry, time to feel all the feels so I can move forward tomorrow.
Tonight I am just going to stand still, be grateful for what I have, and grieve what I don’t. I don’t want pity, I want to be real and authentic. I don’t want to pretend it is something it isn’t. Life is not all happy posts on Facebook or Instagram. I know things will get better with time. Each first of everything without him will be hard and this too shall pass. Everything will be a tiny bit better tomorrow.
Thank you for all your love, thank you for reading, for being my friends and a part of my life. I am truly blessed and that makes me cry too. I wish you all the joy the day can bring you today. May you have gratitude for what you have and love one another.
Take 2 of Life 
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