This week is Valentine’s week. I made fortune cookies for my Body Pump class as I was teaching that day. I hand painted paper and then cut round shapes and inserted an inspirational affirmation in each one. I had a small class this week. It has been full every week until now. Perhaps lots of people were out doing something fun with a loved one but those who were there were great. I changed my playlist to songs with Love in the title. I made a lot of mistakes but everyone who was there loved the fortune cookies, chocolates and mandarin oranges. One person even shared that I was her favorite instructor, which touched me deeply.

It is my goal to inspire those I teach. That even someone my size can teach and lift weights. Even someone like me can teach and make it possible to be stronger every time. I am nervous every time because I want to do a good job. I love seeing when they add weight on their bar and follow the directions I give, even when I do it wrong. I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to teach each week. Tomorrow I picked up a lunch class and I hope and pray I can do better. It is hard to remember all the choreography and timing of everything. I am proud of myself for doing so but I have given notice so my last day will be end of February or perhaps into the first two weeks of March. I have loved being there and the people who come faithfully every week inspire me to do my best. I do love Body Pump.

This past weekend Sorin was here. We took a walk in Folketspark which is 10 minutes or so walk. I had been watching them put together the love theme. It was beautiful. There were families in the park ice skating and couples strolling through. It was a pretty good weekend. I was sad when he went back to Värmamo again. He wants me to move as quickly as possible and yet I have reservations. I love my apartment here and I have not been my best mentally. Thank heavens for my friends Moa and Malin who call and check in on me regularly, even when I don’t want to talk, I am appreciative. I have scheduled an appointment with a Chinese medicine man Moa found helpful and another for my medication, which I need renewed but not sure it is actually working.

My landlord has extended my offer here until the fall. I am considering what to do. This apartment has been the one which feels the most like home but I have a strong desire to go home and see family and friends and be in my home in Arizona. I do not look forward to seeing Dan and his new lady but I know eventually I will have to. This is one reason I quit my job now and I want to have an adventure before I go. I keep putting road blocks in my own path and I am working on clarity. Having Nala has been good but she is still in heat. She is sitting on my desk right now, as close as she can. It has been nice having someone to come home to who runs to greet me. She follows me around like a dog. I love that she is there for me and it has kept me from going over the deep edge of darkness when I feel hopeless.

As I am writing this I am watching some bunnies in the yard in front of me chase each other and play. This week they trimmed the trees in our courtyard. I was so impressed they did it all by hand. No chain sawing, just careful pruning and they were all women. I could see myself climbing trees to prune. I always loved doing that in my own yard but often took more than I should have.

I love the extra daylight meaning summer is on the way. I also look forward to getting my new driver’s license in the mail since I passed the driving test last Friday. What a relief it has been to not have that looming over me. Lotta, who passed me, was so kind to me. I made some mistakes but she showed me what I needed to do and gave me extra chances. Also my instructor was so excited for me. I even got an applaud from my Body Pump class when I announced it. I am going to miss them. Maybe I should rescind my notice but then it limits me. It will be a year in May. I have been so lucky in so many ways. I also went to an interview with an American woman who is opening a new restaurant in town but I think she will find what she needs elsewhere. She had also lived in Seattle but has spent the past 10 years here in Sweden. Life is constantly changing, that is one thing we can count on.