I went to church Sunday, met a friend for lunch Monday and finally joined the gym I have been talking about joining. I bought a 3 month pass. I want to see if I will use it before committing long term. Often I sign up for things and then don’t do them. I booked a couple classes on line and off we go.

My first class was a live BodyPump (strength training) class. It was early morning at 6 am. It felt so amazing to be back in my favorite class. Makes me remember being in the front of the class teaching. It was so much fun when I got to team teach with my co-workers and I enjoyed the participants. It was a lot of work getting ready for the class and I stressed a lot but fun. Wonder if I could do it differently this time? I have a long way to go before I could teach again if did. My strength is definitely not where it was but I can build on it. I am so sore today. Anytime I climbed stairs it hurt in my thighs, but it is a good hurt. I know I did something. 

I was energized when I came home from my workout so I took advantage of it and cleaned the apartment, did laundry and baked bread and scones. I was tired in the afternoon so I rested. In the evening I went to town to meet some friends.

As of today, the 9th of February, there are no more restrictions for covid here in Sweden. Norway, Denmark and others have lifted theirs as well. It feels great to think I may have helped this happen by standing up for freedom. I also look forward to doing other things. There are still issues to consider which need to be addressed so the work doesn’t stop. There will be a local peaceful demonstration on Saturday.  I look forward to participating. I have enjoyed the process, learning more and being with people who are involved.

When evening comes I do start to feel a bit sad. All my insecurities and feelings start to surface. I have things to do, classes, bookkeeping, and meetings with friends but the anxiety and depression I feel most evenings is difficult. It is when my demons come out to play in my head. I journal almost every day hoping it will get me clear but I still find myself stressed out. Often I stay up until I am exhausted and finally lay down, only to toss and turn until I need to get up. I think I will add gratitude to my daily journal. Maybe that will help me turn it around.

Awhile back I used to keep a gratitude journal where I wrote a minimum of 3 new things I was grateful for. Today, I am grateful for terrific finds at the second hand shop, my train ticket being valid for shopping trip and all my wonderful friends I got to see last night. It helped change my focus before but then I stopped because I believe I needed to do it. I felt happier. Writing things down is probably what made me happier.

Tonight I have a group class starting and it will run for 12 weeks. It is a big commitment for me but look forward to a big pay out. It is the relationship class I already started but now adding more people. I hope it will help me see all my relationships differently and help me heal past hurt which keep patterns alive. Life is a bit of a roller coaster ride still and I look forward to getting off very soon.